Mind - Sandcastles
Today marks one year and 11 months sober. This also means that the one month countdown to my 35th birthday has begun. As I reflect upon the last year of my life, I realize just how much of “myself” I have had to redefine. One of the most radical adjustments I’ve had to make is my capacity to give to myself.
I started this year walking away from the life/world I had built for myself, and into the unknown. I recently described this experience to someone as, “melting down the keys I had to the museum I built and curated, in order to have the raw materials for a new set of keys that open locks I’ve yet to encounter.” At every fork in the road on my new path, I have learned to trust myself and my sense of direction more deeply.
In a recent newsletter, I wrote about a visualization exercise in which I imagined myself laying face down in the warm sand of a shoreline, surrounded by pinkish-orange haze and sand crabs. I speak of being exhausted after being washed ashore, but feeling safe and therefore still in a state of intentional restfulness.
This visualization has evolved for me. I am now standing at the shoreline, looking out into a vast array of structures that are constantly shifting. It’s a vague but expansive city-scape; birds are tiny and soaring high above wispy clouds. I have arrived in a place I know I have the tools to navigate, even though its shape is still relatively abstract. The map is creating itself while I imagine it. This is how I know I’m learning to properly give to myself—sobriety and my daily practice have gifted me the tools of resiliency and self-love, and have allowed me to reconnect to my creativity.
The prompt this week is to get to the heart of what it is you need, and take a concerted step toward making the real adjustment toward that thing. Telling yourself you can’t do something will only reinforce that belief. Be more generous with yourself. Ruminating over something you can’t change? Redirect that energy into ruminating about something you want instead. Sounds crazy, but this is actually how we build new neural pathways. Learning how to get the mind to default into a state of generosity toward self, and viewing those thought patterns as investments rather than simply “optimistic thinking” can go a long way, and ultimately expand your capacity for imagining what may be on your horizon.
Body - Portion control (yeah right)
A mistake a lot of people make when they start “dieting” is they don’t eat enough fiber or bulk, and therefore end their days extra hungry, uncomfortable, and not satiated at all. As someone who went through that several times before landing at the diet I currently have, I can confidently say that eating a lot of real food is far better than trying to chug a protein shake and following it up with a small fist-full of food.
Having said that, here’s the recipe for a big ass lunch I had recently. Enjoy.
Serves One:
Quarter chicken with Surinam cherries and garlic
Fatty salad
Whole roasted Japanese sweet potato
Preheat oven to 375
Season skin-on chicken and whole sweet potato with salt, pepper
Place cherries and garlic (whole, peeled) at the bottom of the foil with olive oil
Wrap in foil, and bake in for 60 minutes at 375
While that bakes, combine little gem, cucumber, avocado, dill, basil, tarragon, cilantro, parsley, and shallot in a large mixing boil. Drizzle in lime juice, olive oil, salt and pepper, and toss. Set aside.
Once potato is soft to touch, everything is done (this may take longer than the chicken, so set the chicken aside if necessary)
Plate and enjoy (every last bite)
Spirit - Love
As someone whose love language is gift giving (see also; “pebbling”), I find myself subconsciously scanning for trinkets and memorabilia more often than my budget would prefer. I’ve resigned myself to being someone who works the people I love into my budget, since I don’t foresee this form of expression changing any time soon. I truly enjoy giving a thoughtful gift, and search for opportunities to express my love quite frequently.
I believe this particular love language puts people off because they feel obligated to return the gesture in what they perceive to be of equal monetary value. This is surely a byproduct of capitalism. I give because I enjoy giving, and without the expectation of receiving anything in return. In fact, the funniest part of this is that my preferred way of receiving love is via words of affirmation, and acts of service. I only give things to people I truly value, admire, and appreciate. Because of this, giving, in my opinion, is far more vulnerable than receiving.
And so this week, the prompt is simple. Challenge yourself to be generous with someone in the way that you truly express love. This generosity should not be perfunctory. Note how this act makes you feel.