December
Inventory
Letter From the Editor
Distilling my thoughts into written form is something I’ve always struggled a bit to do—not because I have challenges with regard to expression, but because I tend toward wanting to articulate myself succinctly. This undoubtedly removes the majority of what could be my unique tone of voice, creating a metallic and almost robotic cadence. I am painfully aware of this. Being vulnerable is not my strong suit.
I’ve gone through a series of radical shifts in the past year. This format served as a buoy from the depths. Now, I have come to shore with the knowledge of my capacity to wound, and a new ability to metabolize and transmute pain. Depth psychology has always been of interest, but I am no expert. I intend to use this last newsletter of the year to present an inventory of my learnings and hopefully pass along some things that can help as a small guiding light for those who need inspiration, or those who are still in the midst of learning how to swim.
Mind, Body, Spirit
Mind
As I’ve stated previously, I am attending grad school at the Culinary Institute of America studying food systems. I write at least three papers a week. I’ve been asked many times how I have the energy to do this while working. The truth is I don’t go out much, and it brings me joy. I spend a lot of time researching food systems, reading case studies, and drafting proposals.
In my Food Systems Innovation class, I’ve been researching the relationship between the food industry and public health advertising. One of the case studies that I found most intriguing in my research was that of the “truth” anti-smoking campaign. It is to date the most successful public health campaigns in US history.
Taking this, and a boat load of other case studies, peer reviewed papers, and health journals into consideration, something that I have a particular interest in is the food pyramid. The internet is currently inflamed with diet culture in-fighting, misinformation, and a marked concern about the reemergence of pro-ana culture. In the midst of this polarization and the generally poor relationship with food and health, it seems there is room for a reorientation about what “healthy” means.
With that, here is an excerpt from a proposal in one of my papers:
I would like to evaluate how and why the advertising industry influences and shapes consumption in certain communities, and understand what if anything, is to be done about the buying of advertising space in community hospitals, local television stations, local community billboards, etc. by mega corporations (specifically fast food and liquor brands), looking to exploit already disadvantaged communities.
I would like to explore the relevance of a completely rebranded food pyramid that introduces a more accurate and useful template to the common vernacular. The current pyramid that most hospital-goers are exposed to (and children if they have physical education classes) is outdated, incorrect, and extremely harmful in these specific communities.
The overall goal is to understand how to carve space for more accessible and large scale advertising through a public health space and into the communities that need the information the most.
This particular paper is now eighteen pages deep (not including citations), and I do intend to share my findings and completed proposal once the semester is over.
Body
This year I really focused on the optimization of my diet and tried my best to plant some sustainable seeds regarding healthy habits. So far I’ve learned about hormone balancing, intuitive eating, the importance of strength training (and movement in general), and the value of getting enough sleep. That said, I’m only now becoming aware of where things are feeling lopsided. Because I’m constantly mired in this data, it is sometimes hard for me to take a step back and look at my habits and lifestyle with a fresh perspective.
It is hard for me to say that I’m proud of myself. The resonate “stay humble” sits right behind my eyes every time I want to feel good about what I’ve accomplished. That said, having taken a step back and upon reflecting on this year, I can safely say that I am, in fact, proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish. Today marks 2 years and 4 months of sobriety. That’s probably what makes me the most proud. It has taught me the value of habit building and breaking, and it has allowed me to reinforce the mindsets that go along with meeting life’s challenges head-on.
It is definitely a daily practice, and I still have a long way to go (I am very very hard on myself, and am notorious for not knowing when to slow down or stop moving), but I can safely say that I feel I’ve set myself up for the back half of my 30s.
Spirit
2025 was undeniably the most challenging year of my life. I want to use this final newsletter of the year to give a huge thank you to the people in my life who have supported me, answered the phone at weird hours, taken me into their homes, given me valuable advice, shared meals with me, and graced me with their love. You, dear reader, are in the collective of folks who have buttressed me through this year. For that, I am eternally grateful.
10 Things I would tell my 20 yr old self
Don’t drink too much, it’ll become a habit and bring havoc and chaos into your life.
All attention is not good attention.
Don’t be afraid to lift weights (no, it won’t make you “bulky”, unless that’s what you want!)
Confrontation doesn’t have to equal conflict.
Don’t buy fast fashion (if you can help it.)
Allow people who you admire to help you once in a while.
Take a coding class and learn to play an instrument.
Spending time researching your interests is a hobby.
Watch more movies.
Drink more water (boring, but necessary.)
My intention is to graduate August 2026. Just looked at the schedule for my classes this winter, as I’m entering the home stretch, and it’s a doozy. That said, I will maintain this newsletter to the best of my ability, if only to act as a log of my progress.
For now, thank you for your readership, and good bye 2025.